Thursday, May 10, 2007

Five big things that could end your honeymoon

Five big things that could end your honeymoon

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Honey moon time is of uncontrollable passion that fills whole days and nights of a happily wedded couple; they feel detached from the surrounding realities and live in a world of their own. Unbridled passion makes them ignore grave issues while they get lifted to elation by trivial things. Time flies, honey moon becomes as a thing of the past. When searching something else they bump upon wedding photo albums, memories take them to those times when they lived in the spell of a magic which has vanished long back leaving them as ordinary couple always engaged in quarrels not knowing what the actual reasons are.

The following are five reasons which put an early end to the magic of honeymoon, these are simple things and easy to follow as all great things in life are simple but seldom understood! Just five things to be kept in mind.

1. It is common to expect that both spouses should be similar in their way of thinking style of doing things, such differences do not appear in the early stages as honey moon generally is not for critical analyses. As time passes by realities begin to bite; differences so far hidden during honeymoon arises issue by issue. The time of reckoning has come ‘my spouse is not that what I sought’ murmurs inner mind and frustration slowly takes over the front seat. This can be taken for the smell of the end of their honeymoon.

The spouses are two different individuals and they come from different situations, their dreams, their ambitions and their view-points also may be different. It is unjust to expect one’s spouse to change altogether, respect the differences and accept it as the basic right of a spouse to be oneself.

2. “Expecting that the duty of the spouse is to make other happier” There are spouses who spent (wasted) all their life in the attempt to make the other one happier and failed miserably in this attempt. Happiness is something that cannot be taken in a pan and poured in to one’s mind, because it is intangible. Neither parents nor spouses can make one happy as far as one is not happy to be happier.

King Solomon was the wisest man on earth and he could follow the language of animals and birds; once had a bout of melancholy, all the pantaloons of the palace were called in,

they performed their best items, but the king could not made happy. Best of the land’s musicians failed to cheer him up.

While the king strolled through his palace garden immersed in deep melancholy; he heard a sorrowful song of a cuckoo bird; which had lost its pair. That song contained a sad undertone with which the king could get identified with; and his own sorrow vanished as he felt he was not alone in his grief. Only consideration and sympathy can bring real happiness and one who is forced to make the spouse happy is a tragedy in real life. Solomon could read the sorrow of the bird, one who has real love will never insist his spouse to make him happy.

3. The concept that there should not be any behavioral restraint among spouses as ‘home is the place to vent one’s pent up emotions’. It is a fact that outside world is filled with skirmishes and one who plays the diplomacy cards always has to pocket a lot of insults and get frustrated. Returning back to home and release these tensions by thrashing children and shouting at the spouse is curiously accepted as a standard behavior even in a civilized society. Often such exercises turn counterproductive as the other either shouts back, weep, wail or curse causing the frustration to double. There are houses where children ‘shudder to think about the return of the dad from work’.

It is accepted that one may have to receive a lot of insults in the process of working for a living; one’s spouse can accept it as it is her own problem as well. Instead of shouting it out just share it ‘sorrow vanishes by sharing where as joy doubles when shared’, this enables to wake up like a fresh lily smile at the children next day morning instead of shying away from them like a culprit of the day before!

4. There may be instances of pointing out mistakes or expressing one’s distress or disagreement, point out the specific instance and ‘never keep a record of wrongs’ and recite it occasionally, this will un-necessarily sully relationships. Isolated incidents may be kept as such and never kept any co-relation with present or past mistakes committed or presumed to be committed. Many a couple spoil their whole pleasures of life just because they keep a record of the other one’s follies and keep on reciting them as it is a ritual.

5. Resorting to aggressive arguments is generally considered to be a tool for settling disputes between couples, but nothing is farther than the truth. An argument ends at poking fun at each other or their relatives leaving deep scars on all participants, only mutual hatred flourishes it this battle. ‘In an argument no one is a winner’ To begin one is akin to jumping in to a deep well; it is easy to jump but very difficult to get out of it. Frightened at the impending defeat most of the couples resort to attacking at the weakest spots like looks or backgrounds of the other; thereby inflicting long lasting wounds on the ‘opponent’ spoiling the whole relationship all to win in an unwanted argument!

Not accepting differences gracefully, thinking it is the duty of the other to make one happy, venting out frustration without restraint, keeping a record of wrongs and indulging in arguments to sort out issues are the five things to noted as main culprits which damage married life, replacing them with positive steps are inexpensive but capable of retrieving one spoiled relationship back to normalcy. Just by these simple steps just try it! And be a happily wedded couple for ever!

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hazmat said...

hello friend, is truly beautiful to be able to read blog from every part of the world! fantastic! Hello

Laura said...

I think you write very well I´m not very good in english but I will try to comment your posts as better as I can


Anonymous said...

Good advice all around. In fact, these are the things that could end a marriage! What wonderful ways to "keep the honeymoon going."

Rhonda said...

Great advice, I'm going to do a top 5 of the top 5 on my wedding planning blog. You made my list!

This is advice all those planning a wedding (my typical reader)should think about.


Rhonda said...

Sasi, this is very sage advise! I posted it as one of the top 5 top 5 on my blog. Maybe it will help out our couples who are soon to be married.

Anonymous said...

That's some great advice. Thanks. I'm going to be doing a destination wedding / honeymoon package combo meal if you will in Hawaii. Very excited but good to read some helpful (logical) advice!