Monday, July 9, 2007

Bald Head and Men

Bald head and Men

Bald Head cartoon image courtsey:

The fault in not in our stars but in ourselves!

Hairs go thin first and combs tell the story of what to happen before long, it can start even from twenties for those who are prone. Some people never go grey at all; “let them go to the grave with all their bushy stuff!” “It was all because of the helmet I wore during rides” or “the hair cream I used” “the nasty dandruff is the culprit” These are often repeated complaints, which are just excuses, the real culprit is the maleness within and only treatment is castration! Are there any takers for this cure!

Caesar the bald.

It is history that the Roman Senate granted permission to Julius Caesar to wear his laurel wreath in the house and whenever and wherever he liked. Caesar was more than happy as his baldness –which he abhorred- could be covered from spectators! Caesar as the ruler could get anything but he could not get some extra hairs on his head, what a pity for an emperor! Even though an utterly useless stuff on top; the hair on head is a prized possession both by hairies and baldies.

Bringing down buildings with long hair!

World over consumer goods companies make billions of dollars by selling hair creams that let hairs grow thicker and those shampoos that eliminates dandruff for ever (ever means one week). TV channels would have gone bankrupt far before if there were no craze for healthy hairs and those ads for promoting ‘hair-nourishers’. A recent ad pictured a girl tying her long and sturdy hair on the pillar of a huge building (similar to Indian Parliament House) and pulling it down (computer has made everything possible!)

It is all in the genes.

The highly valued hair is just a sprouting bulb of fibrous protein that waves 100,000 on the average head. Some of them keep on growing and some of them fall dead! The average loss of hair per-day is about one hundred. The baldies also lose some what the same number but their replacement level is poor. Wearing of tight hat and dandruff always blamed as the reasons are just blames, it is all written in the genetic code. One is born with a genetic pattern dictating when to go grey and when to go bald, there is no way to escape!

Ladies are a lucky lot.

Vitamin, Protein, and mineral deficiencies are not the main reasons proper food may delay balding to some extend but can’t eliminate it (for ladies these are found useful). Age, hormones and genes all combine to form a cock-tail that causes the Male-pattern balding - The typical case with many great men from Caesar to Krushchev. There is another type of baldness –the female pattern. This is not a normal case, as it is caused by infections, malnourishment, distress etc, which can be treated.

Don’t blame the baldman.

The process of going bald starts at the early age of twenty, when the genes received from the forefathers (call them baldness genes) begin their mischief, they instruct the hair follicles to produce excessive amounts of 5- Alpha reductase, the 5-Alpha in turn combines with testosterone and a compound ‘dihydrotestosterone’( the real bad-guy in the story). This compound makes the hair follicles (the glands from which hairs grow) shrink and their produce get thinner along with. Some of the follicles become non- functional altogether. And the ‘poor man becomes a bald’ for no fault of his.

The only way out, a rather painful one!

The role played by male-hormones have been known from very old time, Aristotle had noted the male factor’s responsibility in balding, the phenomenon that eunuchs (men whose sex organs are removed) not becoming bald was their catch-point. Even in this age of advanced technologies castration remains the only method to ward of baldness!

The best of both worlds!

Those who wished to have their hair as well as their vital organs used many ways to keep baldness at bay, like shampooing the hair with tar! (Tar being hairy black thought it has something to do with hair), applying goose-dung or petroleum on hair etc, some of them tried innovative methods like covering head with rubber and suck out inside to provoke hair to get out of skin!


There came one medicine minoxidil (originally a hyper tension drug) just apply it on the portion where hair growth was required there were many reports of success, but there was a hitch it was not a one time remedy and had to be repeated. The author does not what happened to minoxidil at present it is not in use, perhaps some health hazards would have occurred to the users.


Now it is the time of the hair Trans planters, they pluck healthy hairs from no so important locations of the same person and plant it in more visible parts! People are more than ready to part with their hard earned money for some hairs transferred from one to the other, and the cosmetic surgeons make men look ‘younger and smarter’, but as far as there is the ‘dihydroteststerone’ is there in the body the newly planted follicles are at threat the bad-guy wont give some peace of mind to the follicles and he will go on attacking it with go thin orders.

The big bully.

The dihydrotestosterone does not know that a tidy sum has been spent for the transfer of the newly rehabilitated hairs and the concern the owner of the hair has for its durability. Badguys are always bad-guys whether is di hydro – testo-sterones or mono hydro testosterones! They find a pleasure in making good people bald. As long as men do not recognize bald is beautiful the cat and mouse game will go on and shampoo sellers and hair sellers will make money.

An old saying.

The following is a true story of a husband who became bald due to the rivalry between his two wives. One of them younger and the other was older and grey haired. The husband used to spend alternate days with each wives. The younger wife one day plucked some of the grey ones from his pepper and salt hairs to make him look younger. Next day the elder wife saw him younger and she plucked more black ones to make him look older so that he matches her. This rivalry continued and ultimately the poor man became bald!

There is an old saying in Malayalam which means “there is no cure for jealousy and baldness” This husband from Korea became bald due to the jealousy of his wives!


Lancaster Gardener said...

Well well, as far my mother is concerned coconut oil is the remedy for all such illnesses. Mind you, you are never going to run out of it in Kerala! :0)

Rohit said...

Well it has been postulated that one of the few genes that the all powerful 'Y' (male chromosome) contains is one for baldness! By the way Minoxidil is still in use and is increasing the coffers of certain pharma companies if not the hair on their heads!